Not entirely sure what this feeling is but it feels like

optimism and believing everything is going to be okay but not wanting to be on drugs to feel that way.

It feels like wanting to

let myself off the hook for everything before this.

It feels like

grace

which is the meaning of my name

but it’s taken a while to remember it.

Sometimes I wake up feeling overwhelmed about needing to communicate with the person sleeping beside me

and I don’t know if that feeling would be different depending on who was sleeping next to me.

But I do know that this morning I woke up at 6:30am after a very full day and I know that I am trying to slow down,

ground down,

become aware of my body before taking the next steps.

I cannot figure out how to move forward until I sit in the present and experience non-judgement and gratitude.

So I will slowly but surely work on the things on my to do list but I will also pause and recognize how hard on myself I have been.

I look at myself and wonder how the hell I got here and I wonder how I am going to move forward.

Its funny because I knew 10 years ago that time was moving too quickly for me and I didn’t have the ability to choose things in a timely manner.

Coming to terms with the realities as I name them is liberating rather than terrifying. Once we name it and are in control of it then the rest matters less and less.

Today I woke up and I’m very grateful to be here. I woke up and remembered the words I was saying to myself in my dreams and I had to write them down.

This story has barely even begun.