exhaling

It’s been a while

about a year

since I really breathed deep and felt like Hannah.

There have been moments of it

but nothing like how I felt in my body last June

covered in glitter

in my childhood bedroom

on hardwood floor

making art

alone

before

I chose other things over me.

But now I’m back

and I’m sleeping on Sundays

in between a walk and folding laundry and mixing kombucha with other things and there’s tea and coconut bread that she bought me because she loves me.

But because I know she loves me I’m not worried about taking the time to do what I need to do

there’s no pressure

to be another person, another thing,

I am me.

So I exhale and I reopen a document that’s over 5000 words already and it isn’t a week old but my heart just has so much to say

and I’m letting it spill out

exhale exhale exhale.