I wrote Dear Little Lover after making a couple of mini books for some of the young ones in my world. Those drafts were called ‘How to be a Person’ and the words/pictures were made on coloured cue cards. Once I started working on them I realized the things I had to say to these new people were really weighty and important and they deserved to be archived better.

The title, ‘Dear Little Lover’ came after I found out my sister was pregnant during the pandemic. Months before I knew what the name of this new baby would be, I made the first page in the book to say, “Remember you are always a carrier of light”. That concept of being a carrier of light has been with me for the last year, and it felt really hopeful and true during the middle of the pandemic.

Little did I know at the time that this new little one would be named Lucia, which literally means ‘light’.

My hope is that Dear Little Lover can be a reminder of the true things we all need to hear. Perhaps if we can be a little more graceful with ourselves the world would feel a little happier and a little less lonely.

All of these letters to our younger selves are written anonymously….

..feel free to write your own here

From: my 24 year old self

To: my 17 year old self

love, home will never be the same. and it was never meant to be. come back to yourself, no matter where you are. that's what matters.

From: my older body

To: my younger body

You will expand. It's because you have filled your life with love and experience. Embrace it, little love.

From: My parents’ home

To: You know who

You’re sad and scared. You’re afraid of feeling bad feelings again. You want to be honest and authentic in all you do. You’re so tired. The days are starting to get longer. Keep going. What else is there to do?

From: Anonymous

To: The little 4 year old waiting until the teacher leaves at nap time to wake up all the other kids by taking her clothes off and dancing around

Please please please don’t change. You are who I want to be when I grow up.
Don’t let them put you in a box or a cage or tied to a desk or a room or a building.
Your soul and spirit belong to the wilderness. You don’t understand it now but your mom can’t love you the way you deserve because her mom didn’t love her the way she deserved. She is broken and her little 4 year old girl has been caged for much longer than you will be.
Keep connecting to your Mother Earth, little lover. She will heal you again and again. She will bring you all the love and light and nurturing souls you need along your journey.
Your mom will describe you like a freight train. No matter where you are heading you are heading full force.
Charge on, little lover.
Keep dancing. Stay free. Be naked. Be vulnerable.
FEEL. All of it. You are every emotion you can endure.
I love you unconditionally little lover.

From: a mother

To: the child in me

you are Good.

From: My uncomfy seat on the bus

Dear Little Lover,

The pain that you are feeling is real.
The sadness
Confusion
Hurting
Shame
I see you little lover.
I hear you little lover.

You are so strong
So resilient
So important

I’m wishing for you
A safe place
With safe people

I’m wishing for you
The comforting embrace you won’t let yourself have from others

I’m wishing for you
To be seen
To be heard

You don’t need to do it all on your own
You can still be strong while you ask for help
You can still be brave when you cry

Please don’t be so hard on yourself
You are not to blame
You’re doing the best that you can

I see you
I hear you
I love you

My little lover

From: Someone who also needs a good cry

To: Little Lover

I just wish that I could hold you. That I could hug you close with no words at all. You would just know in that moment that you are seen, heard, loved and valuable. In that embrace you would feel safe and finally you would be able to relax, put down your guard, and just be. Tears would fall from both of our eyes, past and present. I see your needs now, the unmet needs. I wish that I could give you so much more but I think this long tear filled embrace is what we both need today.

To: 1st Grader

From: My Bedroom Window

Hey Baby,
So much is wrapped up in that little body of yours. Sometimes, more than that little body can handle. I know what that feels like and it's okay. Your emotions may be overwhelming, and sometimes too much for you to bear.. But they're also your superpower. You feel with your entire being, and that's nothing to apologize for. In a world that wants to stifle who you are, be as you as you can possibly be. There's no shame in how you feel, what you like and dislike, who you give your love and attention to. There's also no shame in your hard moments - they'll give you the courage to heal the world one day. While even that may be overwhelming, take it day by day, just by being you. I promise you are loved, you are needed, you are Divine.

From: Living The Dream

Dear Little Lover,

You’re afraid, you’re confused, and you just want love. I’m here to say, it’s better than you could ever imagine. I’m here with you all the way.

From: 25 year old self

Dear Little Lover,

Your worthiness is not bound up in your need-less-ness, your good-ness, your adult-ness, the number of responsibilities you take on.
Appearing need-less, perfect, responsible helps you hides your feelings and hurts.
You anxiously anticipate the needs and feelings of those around you.
You change shape to fit the spaces around you, to stay out of the way, to avoid conflict, to be good, to keep yourself safe.

In a few years you will begin to exist as yourself.
You will see the old survival strategies are no longer needed.
You will find kindred souls that understand how you see and experience the world.
There will be people that love and care for you in tangible ways.
You will let yourself be loved.
You are soft and strong and wild and holy.
You are safe.

From: An older little lover

My dear little lover

The Universe is kind.
Your connection to it is not to be mistrusted.
Lean into it.
The grass and trees and bugs are good and they know!
Let them speak to you their sweet knowing.
And believe it.
The rocks and the rain and the hill know too!
So wise and warm.
You've always known, too, little lover.
The dirt is is everything all at once.
It's all love, it's all kind.
Welcome it bare-footed.

From: Curious One

Dear Little Lover

Savour the simple pleasures in life. The simplest of pleasures will bring light to the darkest of days.

To: The Ancient One

From: 26

On days where I feel powerful
I close my eyes and can almost see a golden orb encircling me
It cushions me above the ground and is joined by a peaceful silence
It wraps around me in constant motion

It’s still there when I go about my day
Silently guiding and protecting me
Not needing me to give all of my focus
But still readily surrounding me

The orb has enveloped me for years
It is my balance and my boundaries
Like a protection spell meant for only me
Ready to hold me in space for a moment of peace whenever I give it my attention

Compared to the orb, you feel ancient
Because you were able to cast the first protection
And so you hold both titles
The ancient one, and the child

All the work you are doing is helping to form me
You are able to adapt to in order to protect yourself
And in turn, I am protected
Some protections you are aware of, others you are not

You started building these protections and passed the tradition on over time
So that countless versions of myself were contributing
Receiving help and continuing to build for the next
One after another

After all this time, I can finally say
That these will not always be required
The pain that makes you take up these mantles
Will finally be vanquished when we all no longer have use for them

I imagine that it’s a strange process
To develop something life saving
Only to need to remove yourself from it
To complete the final stages of your healing

You may not know it now,
But you’re laying the groundwork for me
For me to exist, to become myself, and to develop
The strength I needed to continue what you started

So I need to thank you, but also let you know that you’re still in play
I need you to keep going before we can rest
You’re like the twist ending,
The third act surprise

Because in order for me to finish what you started,
In order for me to heal,
I need to help you do the same

To: Little Thunder

From: 22

Dear little thunder,
This is the name I’m giving you. You are small and mighty. It may not feel like it right now, but you’re on your way. You feel like you need to be one of the guys to be what you want to be, but it’s future little thunder and I’m here to tell you that you can be you in whatever you want to do. Your occupation has absolutely nothing to do with your sex. I’m so proud of you babe. This next chapter that you’re about to embark on is wild. You’ll feel unprepared and overwhelmed, and that’s okay. You are home for yourself and you know how to be safe. I love you little one.
Love bigger thunder.

To: A Past Self

From: A New Self

I know how much heaviness there is now.
How much heaviness there has been and will be.

I know how much you carry on your back, I know the face you have learned to share with the world. I have watched you perfect it in the mirror, I know that it is the armour you don before you face the day.

I know how you wish you could crawl out of your skin, take up residence in another body, a prettier one, one that is easily loved.

I know how much you file away in the back of your mind, hoping it will disappear, praying that when you open your eyes you will exist in a new reality. One where the sun shines brighter and the awkward years pass quicker, one where you are understood, one where you feel like you belong, one where you are more of yourself, all of yourself, overflowing with yourself.

I know how you make yourself small, keep your voice quiet, keep your head down. I know you do it because it is easier to be invisible, to be fine, to be the one that nobody has to worry about. I know that underneath it all, what you really want is to feel seen.

I know that you dream so you can escape. I know that your favourite bands and your favourite places and your favourite paintings are caves you can crawl into, arms that will cradle you, voices that will sing you to sleep. I know you feel safe here. I know they will make you who you are becoming. I know that you know how tightly you should hold onto them.

I know how desperately you want to run, want someone to tell you it will all be okay, want to fast forward, want to leave it all behind, want to let go of all the weight. I know that you are learning what makes you feel free, I know that freedom scares you, I know that you want it more than anything else.

And I know you’ll find it.

I know that the feelings of being lost will become feelings of being found, and I know how much you’ll adore all the people who find you and see you and keep you safe. I know you’ll learn how to let yourself need them, let yourself come undone around them, let them put you back together.

I know you’ll learn how to piece yourself back together, how to see the light between the cracks in your own skin, how to love those breaks, how to watch in awe when the sun shines through them just right.

I know there will be a day when you stare at yourself in the mirror and you love the woman staring back at you. You will love her hands moving frantically and purposefully across a blank page, you will love her flailing limbs when she dances alone in her room, you will love the sound of her voice, especially when she says exactly what she means. You will marvel at her confidence, the confidence you never knew she could have, and you will want to let people see her, this woman you have always hoped you could be.

I know you will want everything all at once. You will feel everything all at once. You will know nothing at all, you will surprise yourself, life will surprise you. There will be days that are dark black holes and days when your heart opens wide to the entire world and you will learn to love it all. You will survive it all.

I know that you will make yourself proud. You will say yes to things you never thought you’d say yes to, you’ll say no to what doesn’t feel right in your soul. You will take baby steps and massive leaps and you will want to keep moving forward. You will trust your gut, trust yourself, trust your instincts.

I know that you will lose some of the fear. Not all of it, never all of it, but enough that it is no longer your dominant emotion. Enough that it becomes your fuel. You will let yourself fuck up, you will let yourself be wrong, you will let yourself be not okay. You will fall down and fall apart because you know in your heart of hearts that you will find your way back to yourself, back to where you are supposed to be no matter what.

I know that you will put in the work. You’ll go to therapy and you’ll bawl your eyes out and you’ll say the hard things and you’ll have the conversations you’ve been avoiding. You’ll be better than you ever believed you could be. You will never be the same again.

I know that, at some point, most of life will feel like a miracle. A glorious gift. You will drink milky tea and watch the sun rise and set and feel the late evening purple summer breeze on your face and play record after record and wander through unknown cities and light too many candles and cook dinner for your friends. You will go on long walks and buy floaty dresses, your face will get sunburnt, you will make bad art and good art, you will make wishes that come true and wishes that don’t. You will fill journals and bake cakes and eat buttery croissants and dance in the kitchen and watch three movies in one night. The small things will become the biggest things and you will memorize them all, make room for them in your mind, keep them forever.

You will fall in love with the wrong boys and hopefully one day with the right one. You will often say the right things and sometimes the wrong ones. You will hold onto the past for too long and then one day you’ll decide that the present is better, the future is brighter, and you’ll let it all go. And you’ll feel ten times lighter.

And you won’t look back.

Or you’ll try not to.

Instead you’ll keep your eyes looking ahead, and your body will follow, and it will feel right, moving forward, building a life you’re in love with, loving how it feels to be a mess, a work in progress, a human. You will forgive yourself. Forgive them. Forget what doesn’t have to matter anymore.

What does matter is that you are still here. And you are still hopeful. And you are still breathing. And you are still finding the light.

Keep finding the light.

Keep letting it consume you.

From: 22 year old self

Dear little lover,

Never make yourself small for anyone. You are so interesting and important. Take up all the space you need.

From: The Prairies

Dear Little Lover in the basement hiding,

Today you live where the sky opens.
In the summer, the sun sets from 8pm til midnight. You can see it leaking onto everything for miles.
Love leaks onto everything, too.
Today you tell yourself you can want. You want and want and never stop: more music, more life, more long nights and slow mornings, more tea and talks in the kitchen, more honesty, more love, more growing pains. You get what you want. You get what you give.
Today your lover holds you close and whispers that you belong here, and that you always have.
Today you close your eyes in the dark, you lie alone on your back on the floor, you say to yourself, "I will never leave you". And you know it's true.
No more basement haze. Only skies that go forever.

From: My first apartment

Dear little hater

Hi cutie!!!!!!! I have so many big things to tell you but right now I had the urge to write this in an excited way because I’m lying in my bed in my own apartment and it’s 10:53pm and I suddenly had the funniest urge to listen to “1234” by Fiest. It’s been YEARS. Years since you and your bestie were “studying french” together aka chatting on Skype for 3 hours a night about everything except DRMRSVANDERTRAMP. You’d listen to Coldplay and Regina Spektor every day and romanticize the everyday happenings of high school, and you’d take the long way home from school and stop at the same coffee shop for anywhere from 30minutes to 2 hours. You were so young and creative and dreamy and funny and probably as self absorbed as you are now - which may or may not be more or less than average. This was more than ten years ago and now I look at you like this beautiful girl who had the world at her feet and delighted in it and criticized it and herself and wanted to be everything. And I think what I want to tell you is that you can be everything and you should be anything, that you want to be, and that you can say that and make it happen. But you don’t have to be everything. And you don’t have to be everything for everyone. And you can be everything you want to be but it doesn’t have to look how you think it has to look. In fact, you are everything. I’ve known since I was around your age that I would look back and wish that I knew I was beautiful then and that I’m beautiful now and that I always will be, but I knew that I might look back and think I wish I knew that now. And since that time you’ve been trying to look at yourself from the past you and the future you and love that you. You don’t have to be everything in the way that you think you have to be. You are. I want to tell you that after two years you should leave that person who you think you can’t imagine your life without because your life without is way better. You are a gorgeous vibrant girl who stands all on her own and even though things are still so hard sometimes you gotta remember to look at yourself with kindness and maybe even some admiration. I’ll also tell you that you definitely won’t have all the answers ever so get ready for that and just try to have fun? Lol. I’m wrapping up writing this today from a less happy space than before and that’s okay I guess? Good reminder you just won’t always have the answers but at least ur cute and funny.