20/20

Hello hello out there. It is the first day of March and I am typing at my grandmother’s old writing desk. I am wearing tinted glasses as I am recovering from laser eye surgery. The procedure happened last Thursday and it was a little more painful than expected. Okay, it was a lot more painful, specifically afterwards. As it turns out, my body doesn’t seem to respond to numbing/freezing like most people. So post op was a little more intense than anticipated, but still I am beyond grateful that I was able to have the procedure done. I first started wearing glasses when I was in grade one. I now have 20/20 vision, so despite the bruising and discomfort I am aware of how much this has already changed my life.

I am currently listening to the Severance theme song on repeat in order to get some writing done. Beeswax candle lit, as always. The sun is bright today, so I have the blinds down because my eyes are still really photosensitive. I’m going to an event downtown tonight with some friends where Brianna Wiest is speaking and potentially reading some of her poetry. It will be my first time being out in the world where I can see clearly without corrective lenses and that feels liberating.

I wanted to write to announce the title of my podcast which is streaming on Spotify and Apple already. Girl Meets Dying World is something I have wanted to do for a long time and as I wrote about in a previous post, it has been very scary to make. It’s like I have arrived at a threshold and know I have to cross it.

I am calling the show Girl Meets Dying World for multiple reasons but I’ll let you listen to it (or read the show transcripts) in order to understand fully why. I am seeing this little project as a channel and not as an absolute artistic endeavour unto itself. I believe it is a highway to get me from one point to another and whatever discoveries occur along the way are gems to be collected.

The next little while feels very uncertain for so many reasons, both for the collective and for me personally. I feel like I am accepting my own beliefs and feelings about my experiences with less judgment than ever before. Trying to re-frame and release a lot of memories, decisions, griefs. Wherever this podcast takes me is hopefully a place of acceptance, wonder, optimism.

I’m excited to be letting people into my own process a little more as I’m someone who truly exists in her own head most of the time. I want to get better at embodiment practices but I’m finding it helpful to recognize and admit when my thoughts are getting the best of me. I also feel like the process of making this podcast is so cathartic for me that it doesn’t matter if anyone listens to it - I just feel a little less crazy when I feel like I’m having a conversation with an old friend over the airwaves.

So that is the update. Girl Meets Dying World is here if you want to journey along together. I hope you’re doing okay out there.

All my love. Han.