note to self: the stakes are low

I tend to make things feel a little more dramatic than they need to feel most of the time.

I think I’m good at recognizing the weight and significance of a moment. Little things. Big things. I notice the details and feel all the heaviness and lightness in a second.

But I want to get better and grooving to a slower beat, moving at a slower pace and not feeling so choked at how quickly time passes.

There have been a lot of anxious moments since I moved out west (as I knew there would inevitably be) where I’m kicking myself for not doing the “perfect” thing at the “perfect” time and in “perfect” sequence.

Honestly, who cares.

Listening to my gut has become easier and easier over the last few years especially but it’s the one thing I want to be absolutely masterful at. I really don’t know if I care about being a master at anything more than doing what I know is the truest thing for me.

Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time commuting for work and that feels like lost time somehow. I’ve had a lot of time with other people lately and that’s been amazing, but I also feel so spacey and zoned out a lot of the time.

I feel like a newborn whose eyes are still adjusting and everything just feels too close or too far away right now.

Here’s to naming the feeling and leaning into it. Here’s to the wins and losses that come with change. Here’s to homesickness and naivety and diving into the deep end.

It’s all brave. And I just want to remind myself to lower the stakes.