i carry light

Lately I have been sitting in darkness for longer than usual.

Lingering in its warmth,

seeing light

maybe at the end of the tunnel

or in my own hands, perhaps,

but I’m not sure.

I imagine what it would feel like to always know the true things.

But certainty is an illusion

and I am only an apprentice.

Lately I have been practicing the art of being visible

and it is a craft I will never master.

Invisibility suits me best.

It is a vice

to need to perform, to desire to impress as I do.

I delude myself each time I pretend

I am strong.

My limbs are so tired of the strings I tied them too.

I am both the puppet and the puppeteer,

and it’s time to cut ties.

I am full of Deep Magic, of that I am sure.

If we are stars, then they are for us too, no?

If we are made of compounds and reactions in the Universe’s experiments

then maybe we are all for each other too.

I am what you are,

and that is no small thing.

I will not claim any Knowing

except my own.

For when my vision blurs,

I will see the candles lit before mine.

I will remember the light and the dark are dancing

and they do not make the other untrue

like they used to tell me.

They are brothers.

The parts of me in chaos

are the parts of me in motion.

I am sitting in darkness

but I carry light.